It’s All about the Journey

Recently, seven of us senior citizens, all friends in our 70’s or close to it, and most of us retired or partially retired, met for our periodic meeting of the aptly named “Old Farts” group for a discussion of anything and everything.

This time, over dinner and wine, the discussion quickly centered on the void we all felt came with our retirements. While everyone agreed they didn’t miss the hassle of the 9-5 routine – the traffic, the pointless meetings, dealing with personnel problems – they did miss “being in the game.” Most of us had been successful — or at least thought we were. We counted, we made a difference, plus we had the titles and authority that made us feel important – and needed.

Now that is gone.

For me it was that, plus missing the daily interaction with people. People I liked, loved, was responsible for, and saw on a regular basis, if only in the hallway or on the elevator. And they seemed to reciprocate those feelings. That’s largely gone as well, and that may be the biggest hurdle of all. While still working, some of us imagine that the strongest and closest work friendships will endure no matter what. And in fact most don’t. Not because people are calloused or insincere or shallow. People just move on with their lives. They must. It’s all part of their journey and so must it be with ours.

Most of us are not sure what the next stage of our journey will bring, but life’s journey continues no matter what. When we plan a regular trip, we have a lot to say about the various stages of the journey and what happens next. We can even stop at a certain juncture and go back. Life’s journey is different: We can shape the next stage only up to a point but at the same time we must be prepared for long delays, quick detours, and sudden stops. There’s no going back.

Sounds grim and deterministic, but it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a big difference between”giving in” and “giving up.” And that crucial difference leaves us a great deal of latitude for shaping the next stage, for finding our passion, for doing volunteer work or just doing what we have always wanted to do but had neither the time nor resources. At the same time, there must be a graceful “letting go” at the back of one’s mind, an attitude of graceful surrender to life’s inevitabilities that must be at the core of every happy life, every happy journey. The alternative is to hold on and cling stubbornly to a familiar place or stage or person, hoping it will last indefinitely and refuse to open ourselves to the next stage of the journey. That’s a recipe for unhappiness. Besides, we don’t have that option with life’s journey; that continues whether we’re fully on board or not.

I always thought C.P. Cavafy’s poem “Ithaka,” captured this attitude so well:

“As you set out for Ithaka
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
angry Poseidon-don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
wild Poseidon-you won't encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

“Hope your road is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind-
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and go on learning from their scholars.

“Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you're destined for.
But don't hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you're old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you've gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn't have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

“And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you'll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.”

Gerald E. Lavey